First of all...my heart truly goes out to you. I know well the agony of having so far to go that it almost seems like the impossible. But it isn't. It is possible...VERY possible!

When I started, Brian and I took those first pictures. I was fat. I lost 20lbs and we took another picture...and I was still fat. I worked at it some more and lost another 20lbs and took another picture...and I was STILL fat! But what I told myself back then was that if I kept going...if I didn't quit...someday Brian would take my picture...and I would no longer be fat. And I clung to that thought.

I tried to think of myself as a 'steward' of my future self. And I thought of it as giving something great to the girl that I would be. Ok, I thought back then, I may not have what I want... but if I continue on...someday 'SHE' WILL...and 'I' will get to share in that joy. So when I looked at those pictures of me being OP but still fat...I allowed myself to not get discouraged for the sake of my future self. Had I quit back then...then both of 'us' would have been miserable... both my present and my future self.

And everyday of my life I am so grateful for what 'she' did for 'me'. What courage it took...what a profoundly beautiful gift it was. And I thank her. I thank her for staying OP even though each day when she went to bed after being OP and walking and drinking her water...she went to bed 'still fat'. She could have given in. She could have indulged in order to get the 'temporary pleasure' that eating high point foods brings. But she didn't. And I honor her decision.

You are right. There is no 'magic' way to lose the weight. You can't eat the way you have become accustomed to and be a size 6. You have to expend more calories than you consume in order to lose weight. For me...I just plain and simple wanted it more than anything. I wanted it even more than food.

And please remember, ...that it isn't really as hard as you think. It is a difficult adjustment in the beginning. But the longer you continue, the more often you decide to be a 'steward' for your future self...the easier it becomes. Being OP has become habitual for me at this point. I remember how I used to eat...I remember it well. But my stomach has shrunk a great deal, so it takes a lot less to fill me up than it did in the beginning...so I couldn't eat the amounts of foods that I used to eat even if I wanted to at this point. And the way that I mentally and spiritally approach food has also changed. I STILL enjoy sweet things...but I no longer believe that a half gallon of mocha choco-chip ice cream is the answer to my problems. It's just ice cream. And isn't there that great WW saying that goes something like, "I refuse to take orders from a cookie!"...I love that saying. And when I am dealing with a weak moment...I think of that, and it helps. I also think of myself NOW still as a 'steward' for MY future self. I am, today, helping to mold HER future happiness and joy...and after what my 'past' self did for me...that is the LEAST I can do.

Please know that you are in my thoughts. I wish both you and your 'future' self great joy. From my heart...

Kat